You've just met someone and instantly you've clicked - the chemistry unbelievable - you want to spend the rest of your life with this person! Life never looked better! But wait a minute...what do you really know and understand about this gorgeous, wonderful human being you want to spend the rest of | | the life with
Falling in loveaaahh what a wonderful experience the first flushes of love are. The heart starts pounding, our temperature rises, and the butterflies begin fluttering whenever the girl/boy of our dreams enters the room. The world looks sowellrosy. Not only that, life suddenly becomes much more exciting. From my own experiences the heady excitement of first love really did my head in for some reason commonsense flew out the windowwell in the short term anyway. I started accepting things that I normally wouldnt, pulled away from my old friends, and started to lose a part of myself to accommodate the other person.
I followed my heart when on reflection I couldve saved myself quite a bit of stress had I known a few more things about sharing my life with someone. I never really asked the important questions such as who would be the major breadwinner, compared our values or really planned for the future. I simply followed my heart and went with the flow in blissful abandonment.
What do you really know about your future life long mate Do you know what their favourite piece of music, colour, outfit, book, holiday destination is
What about their likes and dislikes Do you know what their level of patience and understanding is, are they aware of yours Are they flexible or inflexible thinkers and do you recognise whether you are or not
Ive listed 10 basic points to ask each other before you reach loves point of no return. You could treat this as a date, and also as an opportunity to really get to know each other on a deeper level. Above all be tactfully truthful, treat what the other has to say with respect, and never assume the other knows what youre thinking.
If this sounds a bit clinical, consider it as a blueprint of your future lives together. Ever heard the comments I wish Id known what I was getting myself into. Or I wish I knew then, what I know now. Or I just cant understand her/him.
Here are the points:
1. Ask each other what your values are on a scale of 1 10.
2. Ask what you really do not value on scale of 1 10.
3. Do you both want children If only one wants children, is there an alternative and is this issue negotiable
4. Who will be the breadwinner after the baby is born Its not necessarily dad anymore. Are you both okay with who will be the major breadwinner
5. Assuming you both were employed prior to children, ask yourselves once you become a parent how long will it be before you return to paid employment. I make this point because from experienc |
| | baby is born Its not necessarily dad anymore. Are you both okay with who will be the major breadwinner
5. Assuming you both were employed prior to children, ask yourselves once you become a parent how long will it be before you return to paid employment. I make this point because from experience that whilst the majority of couples Ive met are ok with the traditional scenario of the wife remaining at home with the children, some men have resented this.
6. What do you expect from each other in sickness and in health Ask each other what you expect from them; in return let your partner know what you will personally bring into the relationship and what you will continue to bring to the relationship.
7. What will you forgive/not forgive of each others behaviours, for example, infidelity or lying
8. Do you have a hobby you could both share List all the really wonderful things you could do together.
9. Will there be occasions when you want to do things alone For example, boys/girls night outs, fishing trip with the boys/girls etc. Is this acceptable to you
10. Is there anything that annoys you about your partner already Are you willing to accept annoyances
Secretly thinking that your partner will come around to your way of thinking sooner or later could possibly be setting yourself up for disappointment. Theres also the risk of blame and anger if youre unable to change something you assumed you could.
Accept that nothing in life is perfect life could be said to be is perfectly imperfect.
About The Author
Michaela Scherr is a Transformational Coach (http://www.michaelascherr.com), certified practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), writer, and Metaphysician who is totally committed to helping others create positive and action oriented changes to their lives.
Michaela is the author of several e-books including Book of 10 Colour Meditation Scripts and Basic House-Clearing 101 the Energy Way. She is also publisher of a monthly newsletter called From My Desk; an engaging, inspirational, and often humorous newsletter which offers 'real life' tips aimed towards achieving a more peaceful, spiritual and fulfilled 'real' life.
http://www.michaelascherr.com
Married to David, Michaela has two children and a grandchild and currently lives in Brisbane Australia.
©Michaela Scherr.
This article may be reproduced as long as it remains intact and the author is acknowledged.
This article was posted on September 29, 2005 |
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