DO
1. DO remember that your guy is not you. Besides being male, he was raised
differently and has his own habits and preferences--that are as treasured and
comfortable as yours are to you.
2. DO keep in mind that he wasn't put on earth to read your mind and bring you
everything you desire. A relationship | | is a work in progress and to be
successful it must continually be negotiated to benefit both of you.
3. DO open yourself to learn about his half of the complaint when conflicts
erupt, which they will. Only by agreeing to find a resolution that suits both
of you can your love flourish and become increasingly safe and trustworthy.
4. DO be generous in expressing your affection, desire, and joy in being
with him each and every day--both verbally and physically.
5. DO remember that you chose to be with him and that the ways he is different
provide you the spiritual inspiration to learn to love him even better.
6. And DO receive all of his loving, caring, helpful and romantic gestures even
when they don't match your preconceived ideas about how intimacy should be.
Take them in as acknowledgments of your value and allow yourself to be
changed by love.
DON'T
7. DON'T believe that relationships come ready made. They are an art form, a
community effort. They are the product of your joined discoveries, intentions,
and willingness to follow where love takes you, or not.
8. DON'T fly into a rage just because he's done something that makes you
angry. He is not your whipping boy. And since you claim to love him now is
the time to practice that love as an act of respect for his feelings and find a
way to express your unhappiness in a way that is still respectful of yourself
and of your man.
9. DON'T compare him to your friends' husbands, your old boyfriend
or, worse yet, your fantasy Mr. Perfect. If you do he can only fail,
because he can't be anyone but himself.
10. DON'T blame him if the relationship is not going the way you want. The two
of you have been equal forces shaping what you have right from the very beginning.
If you need to change something, let him know more about who you are and what
you need.
11. DON'T pigeon hole him into "all men" otherwise you'll miss out on seeing
him on his own terms and he is a one of a kind guy, no matter what he has in
common with other men.
12. DON'T ever assume you know all there is know about him. Remain curious
and learn more. Make it safe for him to reveal his fears, sadness, regrets--any
tender and vulnerable feelings--by valuing the love and trust it takes for him to
give you the gift of his inner life.
About The Author
Judith Sherven, PhD and James Sniechowski, PhD
Want to use this article on your site
Go for it! As long as you include this paragraph with it:
Judith Sherven, PhD and Jim Sniechowski, PhD are dedicated |
| | valuing the love and trust it takes for him to
give you the gift of his inner life.
About The Author
Judith Sherven, PhD and James Sniechowski, PhD
Want to use this article on your site
Go for it! As long as you include this paragraph with it:
Judith Sherven, PhD and Jim Sniechowski, PhD are dedicated to helping other people learn with they've discovered about living a fabulous life. They have uncovered countless secrets and strategies for living the best life you can live. For free tips, go to http://www.fearofbeingfabulous.com
judithandjim@judithandjim.com
This article was posted on August 28, 2006 |
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