Ask any of my kids and theyll tell you immediately that youll find it in the dictionary between sh and syphilis. Wasnt that absolutely cruel and unkind of me to instill in them a nearly total distain for the concept of sympathy With so many individuals in the world suffering in so many ways, how could | | I possibly be so heartless I am without a doubt, an uncaring, evil SOB!
Well, maybe not. Here are a couple of things to think about. First, Ill give you my definition of sympathy: A sharing or agreement of feelings with another person. Its not exactly what shows in the dictionary but its pretty danged close. I know, so whats the problem with that Its showing caring, compassion and maybe even love isnt it Hang on for a sec. Lets take a look at another word.
Empathy. Again, heres Genes definition: The ability to intellectually identify with and understand the source and manifestation of anothers feelings - or situation.
See the distinction here between the two words Sympathy basically implies that Im going to feel your feelings and as a result, experience your mental and emotional disruption. Empathy on the other hand, implies that Im able to logically understand why you feel as you do without subjecting myself to your emotional trauma and expending of energy.
How can this distinction affect us personally Here is look at both sides of the sympathy coin. If youre the type of person who has been conditioned (programmed) to consistently look for sympathy from others for whatever reason, just stop it! Golly, all youre doing is splattering your friends with your yucky feelings and on top of it, youre even asking them to join you in your pity room. Whoopee, wont that be fun Now you can have other folks whining and moaning right along with you. Turn on some get-me-down music too. Thatll add significantly to the ambiance at the victims table.
OK, so maybe I got a little carried away in the preceding paragraph, but dang it folks, its just not fair much less kind and considerate to try to shove off our misery on other people. Others have enough burdens without any of their friends adding to it.
The other side of the coin of course, is our personal willingness to provide our sympathy to our friends who are requesting it. To emotionally buy into their difficulties and drain our emotional bank in the process. Why would we ever willingly do that We have enough stuff to think about without trying to pile any more onto our mental/emotional plates. If you are the type of person who really feels the emotions associated with anothers problems, you might want to consider transitioning to empathetic approach. Try to remove yourself mentally from the personal attachment to whatever might be occurring. This will not only save you lots of emotional wear and tear, but it will likely also give you t |
| | the emotions associated with anothers problems, you might want to consider transitioning to empathetic approach. Try to remove yourself mentally from the personal attachment to whatever might be occurring. This will not only save you lots of emotional wear and tear, but it will likely also give you the ability to perhaps offer more constructive suggestions. Suggestions that just might be able to help your friend move out of the pity room and into a more stable (and enjoyable) environment.
So you see, I really wasnt being a cruel, heartless ogre when I told my children where they could find the sympathy they frequently (at least initially) requested from me. Instead, I was encouraging them to face their problems and do whatever was necessary to put them in the past. Seems like a productive way to approach life, dont you think
About The Author
Gene, through NuPathz.com, provides an easy reading self-help blog, articles and links along with affordable books and materials written to help folks find the road to a more enjoyable lifestyle, to pass on some of lifes secrets for survival in a chaotic world & offer a few smiles along the way. It's a down-to-earth, simple approach to discovering a better life. You can visit Gene at http://www.nupathz.com/
gene@nupathz.com
This article was posted on September 27, 2004 |
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